In Japanese, "giving" isn't as simple as in English — depending on who gives to whom and whose perspective you're taking, three completely different verbs are used. Mix them up, and a kind favor can sound like bragging.
The Core: Three Directions
| Verb | Direction | Core Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| てくれる | Other → Me | Someone does something for me (gratitude) |
| てもらう | Me ← Other | I have someone do something for me (benefit received) |
| てあげる | Me → Other | I do something for someone (giving) |
The key question: Who is the subject? Who benefits?
てくれる: Someone Does Something for Me
The subject is the person performing the action (someone else); the beneficiary is me or someone in my in-group:
| Example | Meaning |
|---|---|
| 田中さんが私に本を買ってくれた。 | Tanaka bought me a book. |
| 先生が私に日本語を教えてくれた。 | The teacher taught me Japanese. |
| 母は私に掃除を手伝ってくれた。 | My mother helped me clean. |
くれる inherently carries a tone of gratitude — "someone kindly did something for me."
The Subject Doesn't Have to Be a Person
When the subject isn't a person, くれる expresses a personified sense of gratitude:
自然が人々に豊かな恵みを与えてくれた。 Nature bestowed rich blessings upon people.
Ironic Usage
よくも言ってくれたね。 How dare you say that. (Sarcastic)
Commands / Requests
みんな、聞いてくれ。 Everyone, listen up.
てもらう: I Have Someone Do Something for Me
The subject is the beneficiary (me); the person performing the action is marked with に:
| Example | Meaning |
|---|---|
| 私は友達にノートを見せてもらいました。 | I had my friend show me their notes. |
| 先生に推薦書を書いていただいて嬉しかったです。 | I was happy to have the teacher write a recommendation letter for me. |
| 私は友達に頼んで本を借りてきてもらった。 | I asked my friend to borrow a book for me. |
The difference between てくれる and てもらう:
| てくれる | てもらう |
|---|---|
| Subject = the person doing | Subject = the person benefiting |
| Emphasizes "they kindly did it" | Emphasizes "I had them do it" |
| 田中さんが教えてくれた | 私は田中さんに教えてもらった |
Request Expressions
| Expression | Nuance |
|---|---|
| 貸してもらえませんか？ | Could you lend it to me? (Implying ability) |
| 貸してくれませんか？ | Would you lend it to me? (Pure request) |
てあげる: I Do Something for Someone
The subject is the person performing the action (me); the beneficiary is marked with に:
| Example | Meaning |
|---|---|
| 私は弟に宿題を手伝ってあげた。 | I helped my younger brother with his homework. |
| 私は佐藤さんの荷物を持ってあげました。 | I carried Sato's luggage for them. |
Caution: When telling others "I'll help you," てあげる can sound condescending. In actual conversation, ましょうか (shall I help you?) is more commonly used.
てやる (For Those Below)
Use てやる for children, animals, or plants:
浦島太郎は亀を海に放してやった。 Urashima Taro released the turtle back into the sea.
犬を放してやったら、犬は嬉しそうに走り回っていた。 When I let the dog loose, it happily ran around.
Honorific Upgrades
| Plain | Honorific (Humble) | Honorific (Respectful) |
|---|---|---|
| くれる | くださる | — |
| もらう | いただく | — |
| あげる | さしあげる | — |
招待していただきまして、大変ありがたいです。 Thank you so much for the invitation.
Causative + Giving/Receiving: Making Someone Do + Benefit
| Expression | Meaning |
|---|---|
| 子供においしいものを食べさせてやろう。 | Let's feed the child something delicious. (I make + for the child's benefit) |
| 山田さんに使わせてやった。 | I let Yamada use it. (I let + for Yamada's benefit) |
| 山田さんに使わせてくれた。 | He let Yamada use it. (He let + benefiting my in-group) |
| 先生に推薦書を書かせていただきました。 | I was graciously allowed to have the teacher write a recommendation. (Humble) |
Causative + くれる: The subject is the person who makes someone do something; the beneficiary is me/my in-group. Causative + もらう: The subject is the beneficiary; the person asked to let/make is marked with に.
Benefit vs Harm: てもらう vs られる
The same situation — "someone came" — feels completely different with different expressions:
| Expression | Meaning |
|---|---|
| 山田さんに来てもらって嬉しかった。 | I was happy that Yamada came. (Benefit) |
| 山田さんに来られて困った。 | Yamada showed up and it was a problem. (Adversative passive) |
Summary
- てくれる: Someone does something for me (subject = doer, tone of gratitude)
- てもらう: I have someone do something for me (subject = beneficiary)
- てあげる: I do something for someone (subject = doer, tone of giving)
- Decision process: (1) Who is the subject? (2) Who benefits? (3) Is the beneficiary me/my in-group or someone else?
- Causative + giving/receiving can create more complex expressions
Self-Check Exercises
Q1. Fill in the appropriate giving/receiving verb: 「先生が私に日本語を教えて＿＿。」
Show Answer
くれた. The subject is the teacher (someone else), and the beneficiary is 私 (me/my in-group), so use くれる. You could also restructure it as "私は先生に日本語を教えてもらった" — but then the subject changes to "me."
Q2. What does 「料理を作ってみんなに食べてもらいます」 mean?
Show Answer
"I'll cook and have everyone eat it." The subject is me (the one who cooks and also the one who benefits — having others eat your cooking is a form of satisfaction). てもらう is used to express "I'll have everyone eat it (and I derive satisfaction/gratitude from that)."
Q3. What's the difference between 「山田さんに来られて困った」 and 「山田さんに来てもらって嬉しかった」?
Show Answer
- 来られて困った → Adversative passive: Yamada came, and I was troubled by it
- 来てもらって嬉しかった → Giving/receiving (benefit): I invited Yamada to come, and I was happy he came
Same event — "someone came" — but the passive expresses harm, while the giving/receiving verb expresses benefit.